white rabbit

The clock dutifully clicked its way toward one o'clock as I helplessly sat in the informal meeting/conversation at WorkChurch. The matters discussed were important and my job is priority. Yet, I couldn't keep my mind from thinking that I would never reach rehearsal by the 1:30 start time.

I love my job. It's so refreshing to earn a living through something I genuinely love- teaching kids about Jesus (and the fun activities that help that happen!). I also love the theater, and the years have taught me to treat rehearsals with professionalism. Masquer may be a ministry, but that does not mean that standards and discipline are more relaxed. In fact, the opposite is true! When we are working to please God instead of man, shouldn't our efforts be increased? How often do we allow the great gospel message to compensate for our lack of quality workmanship?

As I tried to balance efficient driving with not speeding (ok, not speeding too drastically), I reviewed the music and lines for the show. If I must be late, I would at least be ready to jump right in as soon as I left my car in the parking lot.

That key word is "balance". We all struggle with balance in some way, don't we? Family and job, work and play, junk food and nutrition, friends and school...... What is it about us that naturally leans to extremes? Why can't it be easier to know just how much time and energy should be applied to the many branches of our lives?

There are only two places in life where I am able to focus on the "here and now". When I am snorkeling and free-diving under the gentle Pacific waves, it is calm and quiet. Not a thought of homework or worry exists- my mind is clear and focused. The same is true of the stage. My usual short and scattered attention span is tamed, disciplined, and consumed by the work of rehearsal.

I refuse to jump into "motivational speaker mode" and suggest solutions to our collective habit of imbalance. I don't have the answers and it's silly to think that a single method would work for all people. Object lessons that I show the church kids- like trying to fit rocks and golf balls and sand and water into a jar- only colorfully state the obvious. It's not helpful.

My art of juggling work, school, theater, and more will continue. It will morph and change and adapt over the years, but I know better than to think it will ever stop in this lifetime. I'm thankful to have a Master Planner one step ahead of me.... heaven knows I couldn't do it without Him.

rehearse

As much as I love performing, and for as long as I've been doing it, I don't always have much confidence in my abilities. For the most part, my focus is on the actual process. With my mind on learning the material and committing to the moment, there is little time to step back and critique myself. I prefer it that way- the less time that is spent dwelling on self, the better. But after a six month "vacation" from acting, the usual insecurities began seeping in again.

As we blocked the first scene of "Journey to the Manger", I couldn't help but suspect that our director, Ian, miscast my role. Surely, a number of folks in our company can much better portray Christine, the wife of our Christmas-seeking central character. But despite my second-guessing, God proves over and over how specific He is to details. Every Masquer production has been cast perfectly- and that includes the unexpected changes that occur without fail (how often have we laughed that the final cast is never quite the same as when we begin?). Trusting in the capabilities of God Almighty (and Ian all-obedient), I decided to push insecurities aside to make room for hard work. I owe my cast-mates my very best. And if we forget the question of "am I good enough?" and instead ask "is this super fun?", then the answer is a resounding YES.

seasons

I'm not as close to God as I'd like to be.

Our relationship is healthy, I would say. I pray, He loves, I worship, He talks, I listen. My occupation is children's ministry. By all counts, things are good. But it's just not the same as it has been in the past.

I suppose it makes sense, as life moves in seasons. Of course, sometimes we're gonna be rockin' the Jesus stuff, and other times, maybe a little less. From a human stance, this is reasonable. But is it correct? Is this pleasing and acceptable to God?

We know that God is concerned with the matters of the heart. He doesn't compare us to other people, and there's not some divine scale of merit by which He judges. I may not be volunteering for service projects as much as in the past, and some of my study and church habits have changed, but I still love the Lord with as much passion as before.

This morning, in the car, I listened to the music from a past Masquer production, Risen (Act II, anyway. I can't seem to find Act I for the life of me....). It's amazing how powerful music can be. It has the ability to take us back to places and times we bury in our memories. Perhaps those moments have etched themselves on our hearts, and merely need to be uncovered. On the freeway, under a cloudy sky, I rediscovered that intimate worship I've been missing for the past few months. What a gift!

Risen was a powerful show. Few productions contain such intensity, and for good reason. Wouldn't that minimize the preciousness if such things became commonplace and everyday? I don't know what to expect from Journey to the Manger. I'm sure it will be moving, and I selfishly hope that, during the process, my soul is moved as well. I wonder if we have to wait until heaven before we constantly live in intense closeness with our Heavenly Father. Are the varying seasons of closeness one of the side effects to living on earth, or is it possible to experience the incredible effects of experiences like Risen all the time?

beginning the journey to the manger

My favorite part of being a member of a theater company is that there is always a show. Even as the final curtain closes on one production, the next is anxiously waiting to begin. The "end of show blues" are replaced with the enjoyment of the short break before we start the process all over again.

I walked into the first rehearsal for "Journey to the Manger" with the usual excitement and anticipation. Being introduced to the new material is almost like Christmas morning, and provides a glimpse of the coming months work. Masquer goes beyond the typical theater experience, however. In addition to the planning, rehearsal, memorizing lines and music.... there's the comfort in being with the friends who have become family.

There were a lot of new faces this time. I'm truly looking forward to getting to know the new folks. Each show we've done has brought special people into my life, and I'm sure this will be the same. It really doesn't seem like that long ago that I was the new face. When I walked into auditions two years ago, it was like I belonged here all along. This is not something that has happened elsewhere in life, and I pray I can help contribute to that experience for anyone who steps into the company.

So here we go.... a new show, new songs.... singing Christmas carols in October, and I'm pretty sure that God has a few things planned for us along the way. He always seems to celebrate His Son's birthday with a surprise or two. :)