do i trust him?

The rehearsal process continues. Each Sunday, we add a few new scenes, and it feels like we're hurtling toward the completed show at record speed. Most of our time this week was spent on choreography, but before we closed the curtain for the day, we sat down to review the "big picture". When we rehearse, we take the scenes out of order. Instead of starting at the beginning and moving chronologically through the show, rehearsals begin with things that need more attention. Once complicated group pieces or difficult moments are established, it's easy to plug in simpler songs closer to opening night (this phenomena is why, during "Journey to the Manger", a short scene between Ryan and I wasn't even blocked until we were about to start tech rehearsals. This keeps us on our toes- translation: it's a fun challenge!). Looking so closely at individual songs can make one forget the flow of the story. This mini-review pulled us all back together in a unified vision.

My brain was already running at top speed, so I couldn't simply just sit still and listen. As Ian spoke, I flipped through my script and analyzed what I know of the show combined with the new information he was giving. The editor in me began the string of "what if we..." and "how could we improve the boat?" and "do you think that's such a good idea? wouldn't it be better if...?" and "is he sure about that?".... until an internal voice interjected. "Don't you trust your director?"

The racing thoughts screeched to a halt.

Of course I tru- why wouldn't i? What are you saying? I'm only trying- And I realized that having this conversation in my head borders on crazy. If I'm arguing with myself, it means I'm justifying something I already know isn't quite right.

It's often said that "theater is a team sport", and it's very true that only a group effort can execute a successful production. While Ian welcomes input and feedback- which often improves the final product- there is still order to the operation. Ian is the director, and he's in the position for a reason. And since this is a Masquer show, there's another element not often found in mainstream theater: God's direction. The Lord inspired this show from the beginning, and His input continues to direct us now, as well. I have the opportunity to contribute to a future show, "Job", as I am part of the team of creators. But my role in "Risen" is ensemble; I am not in charge. Suddenly, I understood that I was not arguing with myself, but with that Still Small Voice that often keeps me in check.

"Do you trust Ian? Do you trust Me? Bottom line- do you trust your Director?"

I start out very ready to take instructions, unworried about where the path leads. When I get a glimpse of the bigger vision, I get excited. What good things are coming! My little piece of participation breeds a desire for a more hands-on role. Suddenly, I think my good ideas are the best way to proceed. I assume I know the entire big picture and can handle it. If I'm not careful, I rush ahead in silly zeal and the best of intentions. In these moments, I imagine God looking down on me in amusement. "Look at that little one, who thinks she knows what's going on!" I'm like a little kid in the kitchen, wearing an over-sized apron and surrounded by a mess of flour- truly convinced that I know how to bake on my own (ok, so this isn't far from an actual moment of me in the kitchen as an adult, but that's not the point of the illustration). Again, I am reminded that I can't take control into my own hands when the capable Director knows what is best for the show.

I love how God meets me where I am and says, "Hey, I'm going to teach you something!" He found me sitting on the stage, so He sat next to me and whispered in my ear. He's my favorite Director.