stew

Grab your spoon, this entry is going to be like a thrown-together soup... random tidbits floating around......

Most of my time in this week's rehearsal was spent working on vocals. Since joining Masquer, my harmonizing skills have increased (and still need so much improvement), but I must put a lot of focus into learning the alto part. And that's what we did... we listened, we sang, we laughed, we learned. Sitting on the carpeted floor of the preschool Sunday School classroom, I rested my head against Sara's knee. Cathy, a beautifully talented soprano, kindly jumped down to alto on some of the most difficult times so that we could hear it better. I was grateful that co-alto Amanda was right there, singing snugly between me and the kids' playhouse. As Carol expertly led us from we-sort-of-know-this to hey-this-is-starting-to-sound-pretty-good, my mind was able to focus on the music instead of the "everything else".

Sometimes it makes me sad that I miss the point. Here I am, singing beautiful words over and over again- telling the story of our precious Jesus- and not even paying attention. Instead, I was more concerned about the notes and chords, the technical accuracy of the song. I realize this is not horribly ridiculous. There is a time for everything... we have to spend the time learning the music so we can perform it well. There is time to appreciate the meaning later, and to live it on stage. Rehearsal is for work, not worship (sometimes we get that chance, but the worship comes at other times). This is okay..... Maybe it's like the people who built the tabernacle. Can you imagine constructing a place of worship? But it's work to sew and carve and shape the metal to specific requirements. The tabernacle was holy, but first the work had to be done. "Journey to the Manger" will be a special, moving show that God will use for His purposes. But first, the work must be done.

After our vocal time, we moved to the stage to block the scene. I soon discovered that during a particular song (the one I was now confident I knew my part), I would be changing costumes. This is not a big deal at all- it's the natural flow of a show. But a tiny little inner voice whined that all that work was for nothing. I quickly silenced that unreasonable voice. Yet, how often does this happen in life? How many times have I asked God, "Really? You had me go through all that... and for what?" I am so quick to label my efforts and challenges as pointless if I don't see everything right away. How foolish to assume such comprehension of the plans of the Almighty Creator of the Universe! How childish to even consider that time spent earnestly rehearsing is wasted effort. And how selfish to think that each moment is about me instead of how we are working as a team.

Stirring this bowl of thought/blog soup...... On a more personal note, I have been struggling with some issues lately. Nothing earth-shattering, but enough to leave me emotional and a little vulnerable. The things is, I don't like being vulnerable (which, ironically, is a bit of a necessity for an actor). While part of me may need some nurture, the LAST thing I want to do is make that known. I prefer to bless my friends, not burden them. I also prefer to be optimistic and of good cheer, not gloomy or dark and twisty (the ONE phrase I took from my brief viewership of Grey's Anatomy). Besides, we have merely four precious hours of a rehearsal each week- why waste it on the negative? So on went my smile as I stepped into the theater (yes, I realize that last week's "mask" entry was either hypocritical or preaching to myself) (and I promise I will stop with the parentheticals).

Yet, either I wasn't as skilled at exaggerating my cheerfulness or God led my cast-mates to additional kindness because He knew I needed it. The combined bits of love and affection I received that afternoon were enough to impact my soul that day. It mattered. It helped.