anticipation

I just finished writing material for my job at church. The topic was preparing for Christmas, as we enter the season of advent.

Before I go to bed tonight, I will make sure I have everything ready for tomorrow's "Journey" rehearsal. At some point this weekend, I realized that we open in less than a week. Our time of preparation is ending, and the run of the show will be begin. And, like Christmas, it will be over in the blink of an eye.

I don't know about anyone else, but I usually take advent as the "sprint to Christmas". It's all focused on running toward December 25th. Gifts are prepared with the deadline in mind. The house is decorated and treats are made to be ready for that day. My mind is set on Christmas Day and every ounce of me counts down to that moment.

Once I wake up that day, I helplessly try to hold on to every moment. No matter what I do, time is racing until it's suddenly time to close my eyes and sleep. When I wake again, the biggest holiday of the year is gone and the countdown resets.

Interestingly enough, I don't feel the same way about theater- Christmas show or otherwise. Perhaps that's because it occurs more than once a year. Regardless, the production is more than just performances. Rehearsals, learning, memorization, work days.... it all adds up to weeks of preparation that are just as much a part of the show as the performances themselves. I savor and enjoy the entire process instead of merely counting down days until opening night.

Should advent be the same way? Why rush through December when we could marinate in the season of preparation? Relish the gift-making, appreciate the decorations, enjoy the season that is more than just a holi-day.

background

So much happens beyond rehearsal. There are lines to memorize, character to develop, music to learn, dance steps to review...... And then there are work days.

Many school/college productions or professional theaters have a separate stage crew to construct the set. Since Masquer is a smaller operation, the people you see on stage are also the folks who have done the work offstage (of course, we have many offstage folks who deserve credit. Without out our stage manager, house crew, light, sound, and other supporters, we would not have a show!). Typically, a small group meets on Saturdays to construct set pieces, paint, and prepare for the upcoming show. The finished project is truly a labor of love from the hands of people who love so much to give their time and talents so generously.

When I joined the company last year, I was fortunate to faithfully attend the Sunday rehearsals. Now, my job and life circumstances have changed, providing opportunity to become more deeply involved with Masquer. The more I immerse myself in the theatrical, the happier I am. So being perched fifteen feet above the ground with a paintbrush and ipod produced something of a calm euphoria. In exchange for allowing me to battle personal stress with artistic therapy, "Journey to the Manger" gained a backdrop.

(Our director, Ian, poses for perspective.)

One small piece of the tapestry that is a show..... Many times this week, Ian has reminded us that "Theater is a team sport". That truth is not lost on me. I've tried to do "one-woman shows" in other ministries. I don't think it can be done- certainly not done well. But God never intended for us to go it alone, did He?

stew

Grab your spoon, this entry is going to be like a thrown-together soup... random tidbits floating around......

Most of my time in this week's rehearsal was spent working on vocals. Since joining Masquer, my harmonizing skills have increased (and still need so much improvement), but I must put a lot of focus into learning the alto part. And that's what we did... we listened, we sang, we laughed, we learned. Sitting on the carpeted floor of the preschool Sunday School classroom, I rested my head against Sara's knee. Cathy, a beautifully talented soprano, kindly jumped down to alto on some of the most difficult times so that we could hear it better. I was grateful that co-alto Amanda was right there, singing snugly between me and the kids' playhouse. As Carol expertly led us from we-sort-of-know-this to hey-this-is-starting-to-sound-pretty-good, my mind was able to focus on the music instead of the "everything else".

Sometimes it makes me sad that I miss the point. Here I am, singing beautiful words over and over again- telling the story of our precious Jesus- and not even paying attention. Instead, I was more concerned about the notes and chords, the technical accuracy of the song. I realize this is not horribly ridiculous. There is a time for everything... we have to spend the time learning the music so we can perform it well. There is time to appreciate the meaning later, and to live it on stage. Rehearsal is for work, not worship (sometimes we get that chance, but the worship comes at other times). This is okay..... Maybe it's like the people who built the tabernacle. Can you imagine constructing a place of worship? But it's work to sew and carve and shape the metal to specific requirements. The tabernacle was holy, but first the work had to be done. "Journey to the Manger" will be a special, moving show that God will use for His purposes. But first, the work must be done.

After our vocal time, we moved to the stage to block the scene. I soon discovered that during a particular song (the one I was now confident I knew my part), I would be changing costumes. This is not a big deal at all- it's the natural flow of a show. But a tiny little inner voice whined that all that work was for nothing. I quickly silenced that unreasonable voice. Yet, how often does this happen in life? How many times have I asked God, "Really? You had me go through all that... and for what?" I am so quick to label my efforts and challenges as pointless if I don't see everything right away. How foolish to assume such comprehension of the plans of the Almighty Creator of the Universe! How childish to even consider that time spent earnestly rehearsing is wasted effort. And how selfish to think that each moment is about me instead of how we are working as a team.

Stirring this bowl of thought/blog soup...... On a more personal note, I have been struggling with some issues lately. Nothing earth-shattering, but enough to leave me emotional and a little vulnerable. The things is, I don't like being vulnerable (which, ironically, is a bit of a necessity for an actor). While part of me may need some nurture, the LAST thing I want to do is make that known. I prefer to bless my friends, not burden them. I also prefer to be optimistic and of good cheer, not gloomy or dark and twisty (the ONE phrase I took from my brief viewership of Grey's Anatomy). Besides, we have merely four precious hours of a rehearsal each week- why waste it on the negative? So on went my smile as I stepped into the theater (yes, I realize that last week's "mask" entry was either hypocritical or preaching to myself) (and I promise I will stop with the parentheticals).

Yet, either I wasn't as skilled at exaggerating my cheerfulness or God led my cast-mates to additional kindness because He knew I needed it. The combined bits of love and affection I received that afternoon were enough to impact my soul that day. It mattered. It helped.

masked identity

Theater people need very little encouragement to put on a costume. When a Sunday rehearsal also happens to be on Halloween, there will definitely be festively dressed actors! And that is why, if you walked into the theater a few days ago, you would've found a Roman gladiator doing stretches (or at least trying in restrictive metal armor!), a pirate and gypsy singing Christmas carols, Rainbow Brite and Barbie dancing together, or a tiny Bo Peep looking for her sheep.

It's fun to be someone else. We've all had the annual delight of deciding who we want to be for a costume party or trick-or-treat. Usually, we choose someone or thing that we admire or think could be thrilling. This year, I chose Astrid from the movie "How to Train Your Dragon" for a number of reasons- easy to make, fun to wear, and who wouldn't want to pretend to be a young viking who flies on the back of dragons? Oh yeah, and carrying a battle axe is kind of neat..... How many Halloween costumes are an extension of ourselves or who we want to be- even for a day?

Actors get the honor and opportunity to do this throughout the year. In the spring, I walked the steps of a disciple of Jesus. Now, when I step into this production, I am married to a hard-hearted artist. I get to portray a woman, who like a few of my real-life friends, loves her husband and prays with a heavy heart that he'll also know her First Love- Christ. And just like our Halloween costumes contain pieces of ourselves, so often do our stage roles.

Each one of us has our own reasons for being drawn to the theatre. When you're someone else, you can escape reality for a moment. You also learn about life from another perspective, and maybe even gain understanding and compassion for people in vastly different lifestyles. Sometimes we uncover something about ourselves we didn't previously realize. It's a complicated thing, identity.

What happens when the lines of theatre and life become blurry? When do we grab a mask offstage? We use disguises to hide the parts of our true selves that aren't so impressive. We pretend to feel confident in situations that make us nervous. We present exaggerated pieces of ourselves to best fit the circumstances. This isn't necessarily a negative thing. I think there are instances where it's appropriate to behave in a certain manner (job interview, for example). But are we always true to the person God created? Are we "dressing up" for good reasons?

When I was studying at a college in Kentucky, my theatre professor told me that we should never use our acting skills in "real life". I thought she was nuts. I was increasing my skills and finding them quite useful beyond the stage doors. While I never meant to lie or manipulate (and I don't think I really have- at least not on purpose), I have not always been proud of who I am. When I would rather be someone else- someone more charming, funnier, and without my flaws and hang-ups- I could just portray that person. Believably. And that became the person everyone thought I was, all while missing the "real" me. Then, it wasn't long before it was unclear who the "real me" even was.....

It's not unique to a formal show. We all give performances daily-like wearing the smiling mask while our heart is breaking. But "dressing up" outside doesn't stop the heartbreak inside. At the end of the day, we still have to remove the costume, wash off the make-up, and reveal our true identity. But if we're brave enough to look in the mirror for a moment, we might see the beautiful soul that God cherishes so much. That's the identity He treasures and created for a reason- the person He does not want to hide.